We hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We had an eventful few days – including a blood transfusion yesterday at the hospital. It went very well and most importantly, relatively quick! 3.5 hours for the whole check-in, prep and transfusion. In Blood Transfusion time (sort of like dog years) that’s pretty good! However, he still was feeling pretty fatigued and exhausted in the afternoon so he rested up since we’ve got another week of chemo ahead.

Today we relaxed and started to get ourselves ready for our LAST round of chemo. This included putting up some Christmas decorations. Now originally Tom didn’t want to put up any decorations because of how crazy December will be and the upcoming surgery, but I think it’s important to keep life as “normal” as possible. Plus – he loves Christmas – and for as much as he has been stuck in the house I think he should have some good Christmas juju around him. We compromised and I didn’t put up all of the decorations -just the tree and some garland – but I think it’s pretty even if the rest of the house is not as decorated this year. As I was putting up decorations we were chatting about how hard it is to believe it’s almost December. In a strange way, it feels like our lives are back in September. Yes, we know time is passing, seasons changed and life has been happening but there is a part of us that still can’t comprehend all that has happened. That will come with time but in the meantime we will try to spread some Christmas cheer.
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Tom is excited for two more “good” days before we start chemo again on Tuesday, as am I. More to come…

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving that included an attempt to sleep in – I made it until 7AM! We had a lazy morning and were able to relax. Tom and I flip flop holidays and this year was our Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with my family which worked out well with our current situation. We were able to go over to his Mom’s house for Thanksgiving – and as usual – my in-laws hosted an awesome Thanksgiving with lots of yummy food.

Like most families we go around the table and say what we are thankful for and the very thought of describing what I’m thankful for had me choked up. Luckily, crafty Aunt Paula incorporated a pack of tissues into the placecards – she’s so damn clever! Needless to say, the tissues were used!

Well. What are we thankful for this year? I blubbered a few things at the table today as I tried not to cry but in all honesty I think I could write a list that lasts for days. In our attempt to really think about what we are thankful for we pulled together some things we are especially thankful for this year, in no particular order, and of course not all inclusive. But a few sentiments for this Thanksgiving:
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1. Our Nurses/Doctors/Technicians/Hospital, Office & Clinic Staff: The patience of these folks is truly remarkable and there are people in the world who have truly found their calling. It has been incredibly powerful, and a privilege, to be around that type of energy for the past two and a half months.  A handful of these people have become like family during this and we are forever grateful.
2. Our Family: You never know the power of your family as a unit until you are in a time of crisis. Our families have been our strength on rough days, smiling faces and shoulders to cry on. Whether it is in person, a care package, a message, FaceTime or any other means of communication it has been remarkable. Love and gratitude doesn’t even begin to describe this feeling.
3. Our Friends & Support Network: We have had support at every turn, from every imaginable person we know. The outpouring of love and support at times would overwhelm us to the point of tears because we feel there is never a way to repay all the love that we have received. From people helping us with referrals, meals, cards, etc., we are forever in your debt.
4. Our Marriage: When we got married three years ago I never thought we would be spending days on end with each other holed up in a hospital room, or our house, or me being a primary care taker. I am so thankful that we have the marriage, and partnership, that we do. Tom has not let more than a few hours go by without thanking me and we’ve actually had quite a bit of fun despite our situation. We are stronger for it, and for that I can’t be anything but thankful.
5. Humor: We truly believe laughter is the best medicine, and I believe that mindset has helped us get this far. Some days I think our humor made this seem easy – though trust me it’s quite the opposite. I also think you get back what you give, and having a positive mindset made it easy for our doctors and nurses to communicate with us in the same way.
6. Science & Medicine: Tom has said it repeatedly, but thank goodness he got cancer in 2015. I have been blown away by the power of the human body and all that it can do/tolerate in addition to the medical capabilities that support it all. We are not foolish to think cancer free means this will all be over; in the years following his “all clear” there will continue to be many scans, and tests so we can avoid a situation like this again – and we plan to have many thankful days of clear scans ahead.
7. Our Employers/Bosses: We both work for two incredible companies that have shown us such grace during a dark time of our lives. Tom’s company has been absolutely amazing and supportive while he has been away and constant cheer leaders for him and making sure we have everything we need. My company has been equally phenomenal and provided me with flexibility and support that has rendered me speechless at times. I’ve continued to work full-time throughout this entire endeavor, but working for an organization like mine that knows the importance of family, and being present for your family is an incredible gift.
8. Rough Patches of Life: Let me be clear – I wish that Tom didn’t have cancer. However, this diagnosis has given us more than it has taken away from us. Many people say “Seize the day” or “Live life to the fullest”, but not often do people live that way. We are forever changed. At the age of 28 and 30, in a matter of hours, our lives were literally ripped from us and months of intense, scary and life limiting events followed. We will never be the same – and I know we will live life differently for it. I wish it wasn’t at the expense of Tom having to go through this – but we are forever grateful for our new perspective of our lives.

Our hearts are so incredibly full - we wish you all the happiest Thanksgiving…

Well. Usually I avoid holiday crowds, meaning I don't do the shopping during peak times, etc. However, I didn't realize that going to the cancer clinic the day before they are closed  for two days was such a holiday mess too. Add that to the list of things to avoid in the future - along with cancer in general.

So our appointment was a bit of a nightmare this afternoon. Here's a tip for everyone - ALWAYS get the earliest appointment available with any sort of specialist otherwise they get behind. Usually I get the earliest appointment but given the holidays this was the only appointment they had. So after we were sitting in the waiting room for 30 minutes I went to the counter and made sure there wasn't an issue - nope, the doctor is just running approximately 50 minutes behind. Oofta. So  we finally saw our doctor an hour and twenty minutes after our appointment time. Now we certainly are patient people, and understand that emergencies happen (in fact Tom has been the emergency before so we are especially forgiving) but today was especially challenging. It's tough to be in the waiting room for that long because it's depressing. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was standing room only at some points. The place is usually pretty busy but it was just jam packed today and it's heart breaking to see some of these folks come in - and for us, especially hard to be the youngest and feel like everyone is staring at us.

Anyway, once we saw our doctor (who acknowledged the wait and apologized unlike many other doctors) we did blood work and unfortunately will be having another blood transfusion on Friday. Tom's levels are pretty low and they are trying to bring his levels back up before we start our next round of treatment. So at this point we were circling the wagons at about 2ish hours and then we find out we need the blood transfusion - which we assumed would be the same as last time. Nope - we then had to go to a different part of the hospital to once again to a blood draw (third of the day) so they can match the blood appropriately. This made zero sense to me since we know his blood type but they needed to do it again for a bunch of medical reasons that certainly sounded legit - but was still irritating.  So by the time everything was all said and done I was singing my Gilligan's Island version of our Three Hour (Doctor) Tour on the way out the door. Long day - especially for Tom who had to suffer through my made up lyrics.

The transfusion is less scary this time since we know what to expect, but certainly not what we were hoping to deal with on Friday. However, anything that can help him go into chemo strong will be for the best. The good news is we got all the orders we needed for all his post-chemo testing that is needed before surgery. So while we were doing all this hustle and bustle of waiting for the additional blood work I was multi-tasking and making a bunch of the appointments. It was a bit of a puzzle to coordinate when the different doctors were available based on our time crunch - in fact I called one office a few times to shift things around to accommodate other schedules - but I think we've got most of it figured out for his post-chemo appointments. Phew!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I've been attempting to write a Thanksgiving post. We will see if I can pull together the emotions to get up a post tomorrow - to say we are thankful this year is an understatement. More to come…

I feel like Cancer is one giant event planning activity – without an open bar. The number of phone calls, coordination, paperwork and sign offs required is mind boggling. Sadly, I know the direct numbers to most of our doctors, our Walgreens, and have sarcastic answers for some odd new patient questions. (I want to find the suggestion box for most of these offices - I've got some serious complaints about the hold music) As we ramp back up for our last round of chemo – I will be in mega coordination mode as we will have several appointments that will be needed post chemo including scans, blood work, lung testing, second and third opinions on surgery, surgical prep meetings, a potential blood transfusion, etc. all as soon as possible so we can get surgery lined up for the beginning of January. Add to that the holiday schedules of many of these doctors and running against the insurance clock and it’s going to be a whirlwind.

We’ve got to move fast so that the cells don’t continue to multiply and that we can get the tumor out and not need more chemo after surgery. In our perfect scenario, this last round of chemo kills all the cancer, Tom has a few weeks to bounce back, and then we do surgery as soon as possible in January to get the mass out. We meet with our oncologist tomorrow and will get a better idea of what we can expect between the last round of chemo and surgery in regards to what testing she will need to do and track. So we are planning to enjoy this long holiday weekend and try to get some rest before what will be a crazy week of chemo and post-chemo activities that will require a lot more activity than Tom is used to in his recovery weeks. More to come… 

Happy Thanksgiving Week to all! Tom is feeling well, but still has some fatigue. We were so happy to have a variety of visitors stop by this weekend which is great to break up the monotony for him, but it’s amazing how that can also wear him out. But as he says – I’d rather be a little tired and get to see people and have some company.  We are happy that he should continue to feel better, and stronger, this week and start to get more of an appetite – just in time for Thanksgiving!

Two weeks from today we will be coming home from our last round of chemo. 14 days to go! We are so excited! Certainly it’s not the end of the fight, but a huge milestone that we are going to continue to work towards and of course celebrate. This week should be relatively calm, we meet with our team of doctors on Wednesday because of the holiday schedule and are hoping that he won’t need a blood transfusion, especially because the clinic is closed on Thursday and Friday. So we head into this week with a positive and thankful mindset...More to come...

Tom is feeling much better! Tuesday night he started to turn the corner and yesterday was feeling much better. Today was even better than yesterday and so begins his climb back to feeling “good” for a few brief days before he gets hit with chemo again - for the last time!

Tom had blood work today and though his numbers were cutting in SUPER close, he did not need a blood transfusion. I wouldn’t be surprised given his numbers if he will need one next week, but for now he’s thrilled we didn’t need to do an infusion tomorrow. We’ve got some visitors coming to see us this weekend because he’s feeling better which will be great and keep spirits high – this whole diagnosis/treatment can be incredibly isolating – especially when we have the added issue of flu season approaching. Then we’ve got Thanksgiving next week for which I will probably have a sentimental holiday post. Consider yourselves warned :)

So…fingers crossed we keep our momentum going and can get him as strong as possible before this next round. The stronger he is going in, the quicker he can bounce back and get extra strong for surgery…More to come…

Tom feels, and I quote, "Better than Monday". He got a lot of color back today and though still quite fatigued, he's starting to feel better. Yesterday was an interesting milestone for us – but one I didn’t mention since we were processing the surgery news. Monday was exactly two months from Tom’s original diagnosis. There are very few words to describe the past two months of our life. How can some hours/days seem so incredibly slow, but the two months as a whole feel like a complete blur? It’s as if we are in a weird time vortex. For me, I’m still working full-time so it’s almost as if I picked up another full time job which is why I think life has seemed so fast. For Tom, I think it’s been a mix of being on all the medications, a blur of appointments and a focus on getting through each day that has made time seem so fast. Late last night I read the blog from start to finish – there are posts that I didn’t even remember until I read them again. It’s amazing how our brains work!

All in all, we’ve managed the past two months the best we could. We’ve had some of the best days together and some of the absolute hardest days together. Two months from now will be mid-January and Tom should be on the road to recovery from surgery and – dare I say – cancer free. So as tough as the past two months have been, we know the next two months will yield much brighter days with happy milestones including the holidays with our families (including a Bears/Packers game on Thanksgiving), the end of chemo, surgery, a cancer-free diagnosis and more. On that note, 19 days until chemo is done. More to come…

We’ve had quite the day. After getting home last night we had a bit of an up and down night, but for the most part Tom is feeling okay. It’s about the same as the last round of treatment – it’s just a rough few days. We got up this morning and headed to the cancer clinic to get his post-chemo shot. We decided today that we should get a plaque in the waiting room (perhaps posed like the American Gothic – see photo) with the tagline that says “Tom & Honore – Bringing down the average age of the cancer waiting room since 2015”. 
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In all seriousness, then our day took a turn. We briefly met with a potential surgeon for Tom, and though we knew this surgery would be quite the endeavor, it was even more than we had bargained for. Granted, it’s only the first opinion, but we do know that this is going to be one hell of a final obstacle to get him cancer free. The doctor was great – and incredibly calming which was needed for us both. There may have been some swear words and elevator cry/tears post appointment, but per our own rules we have given ourselves a little time to react, process, and now we carry on with a plan. We will meet with some other doctors for additional opinions and will fill everyone in more once we have more of a definitive plan of what surgery will entail – but it will likely be the beginning of January.

Coming off of yesterday and into today, I felt like we had turned that final corner and could see our finish line. Today, we feel like someone picked up the finish line and put it back out of sight. Brutal. So today became one of those tougher cancer days, but tomorrow is another day, and one day closer to that new finish line – wherever the hell it may be. More to come…

​HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME. WE. ARE. HOME. Not only are we home, but we managed to get out by 1PM today which was a treat since we usually are there until about 4PM. Our chemo got started earlier in the day when we first started and since that dictates when we go home it was super exciting. Yes I know, we have cheap thrills these days. :) 

Tom is feeling rough, as we expected, but managed to eat some food today and that makes a world of difference. With all the medicines he is on having some food in his belly helps so he doesn't get a stomach ache, or worse throw up, since so many of his pills are oral pills and he then loses the effect of the medicine. Its hard for his body to process everything without some food. Add to that the complete exhaustion that comes with these post chemo days and it's not too pleasant for him. As per usual though, he's taken everything with a smile and trying to stay positive. As we were leaving the hospital today our nurses/technicians were all stopping to give us hugs goodbye as we walked down the hall. They were sad to see us go, and all said they are looking forward to our return in a few weeks. I can't say the feeling is mutual about coming back - though I do enjoy their company!

Tomorrow we go in for his post chemo shot bright and early and meet with a surgeon to get an idea of what this surgery will entail. I'm hoping somehow we can incorporate a post-surgery super power into this procedure. More to come...

Round 3 is COMPLETE!!! WOO HOO! This was a tough treatment for Tom, but he powered through and we are one step closer to our last chemo treatment. We know we’ve got a crappy three days (at least) ahead of us but then he will start to feel better and improve each day from there. I’m very happy that his “good” week lines up with Thanksgiving so we can enjoy a good Thanksgiving meal and great company.  Then we check in for our LAST ROUND OF CHEMO, and leave the hospital on his birthday. How’s that for a happy birthday?

We’ve got a busy week ahead with additional blood work, and an appointment we are excited for – the first surgical consultation. It’s a little early to have a completely clear picture of what surgery will need to be, but just to get an idea of what surgery could be will help put us both at ease. Like everything through this process the hardest part has been the unknown. Tom is very nervous to be put under and wants to know what the recovery time will be so hopefully we at least got some general answers. I’m not expecting too much concrete information since we don’t yet know how small the tumor has gotten, but even if we know best case/worst case scenario for recovery times etc. it will help for our planning and getting ready for surgery.
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As we were talking to the nurse tonight, she mentioned how lucky we are that people stop by to see us and bring us non-hospital food etc. She said there are people that are here for days or weeks that never have one visitor and they have to call a cab for them when they are discharged. Can you imagine? I actually almost cried just hearing her tell some of the stories. Unfortunately, because of HIPPA laws she couldn’t tell me if that’s the case for anyone here now, because I promise you I would have taken the wheel break off of their beds, pushed the bed into our Hercules room and had them hang out with us. (Plus, perhaps Tom could beat them at UNO since he's been having trouble beating me!) It's so heartbreaking, and another great reminder of how lucky we are to have such an amazing support system. I don’t know how we would do this without all the messages and love that everyone has been sending our way. We truly appreciate it all. I feel like a broken record, but I don’t care and I will continue to say it, we are incredibly lucky and thankful. More to come tomorrow from HOME!

Honore: Tell me four things you’re thinking about right now, what should I write about tonight?
Tom: I’m sleepy ….I’m sleepy….I want to go home…and I’m sleepy.

Most of his answer was with his eyes closed too :) So, that pretty much sums up where Tom is at! We had another tough day of chemo but he powered through and stayed on the strong anti-nausea medicines all day. We are SOOOOO close to Round 3 of chemo being complete – we just need to do one more treatment tomorrow and then we have one more night at the hospital are on our way to Round 4! I am hopeful that his early symptoms don’t make Sunday – Tuesday worse than they already are, but the doctor led me to believe that likely won’t be the case.  She also thinks another blood transfusion will be in our future. Yuk. Tom needed some supplements today because some of his counts were low, but hopefully that will help perk him up a bit for our last few nights here.

Tom wants to be anywhere but in this hospital – I couldn’t agree more – but a few days in the hospital leads to millions more outside of the hospital so we continue on. It’s been a hell of week so far and we are exhausted, so a brief post tonight, but more to come tomorrow...

23 Days until Chemo is OVER!

Well, the bad chemo symptoms have reared their ugly head earlier than usual. Tom is having a tough time with this round of treatment and feeling the effects much earlier than usual. This makes these last few days especially tough since he thought he had a few more days with less of the intense symptoms. He was trying to not take some extra medicine today but ultimately needed some of the stronger anti-nausea medicines.  As we were figuring out the medicines with the nurses, he was trying to describe how he feels, but can’t. He and I were talking and he said it’s just an indescribable feeling; it’s partly an intense amount of focus so as to not think about the nausea, it’s an overwhelming sense of fatigue, and then the achiness of the flu. However, he says that doesn’t even describe how it all feels. Ugh. Regardless, we are hoping that these early symptoms don’t prolong his bad days on the other end of the chemo cycle too - but that will remain to be seen.   

Our day was a bit of a comedy of errors, we made it through chemo but unfortunately -as mentioned above - our day matched the crappy weather outside. To top it off, my Dad & sister drove down from Wisconsin to have dinner at the hospital with us and got in a car accident on the way. No major injuries, but just not the greatest feeling when we have people coming to spend time with us and then they get in an accident. Yuk.

We know we have to have some bad days – if nothing else – to know the good days. So we chalk today up to that and hope for a better tomorrow. More to come…

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We continue to make progress through our treatment cycle – what a week! I’m currently sitting in the hospital and Tom is fast asleep and we are under “Code Black” in the hospital. There is some pretty gnarly weather outside so Code Black means they run around and make sure windows are closed and covered and that everyone is safe. It’s sort of sad that we know what all the codes stand for and could probably help if needed – I know all of the safety protocols for the different codes including weather, fire and child abduction. Perhaps I’ll nominate myself for Hall Captain.

I know yesterday I raved about our fancy room, but we did find one flaw (I’m not counting the ladybugs as flaws because they are good luck). The bathroom is about the third of the size of our other bathroom in the smaller rooms – go figure. Now, typically that wouldn’t matter, but when Tom uses the bathroom he has to take his giant IV pole with him since he is constantly hooked up to the IV drugs. No joke, we were in tears laughing today at his attempts to turn the IV pole gradually to get into the bathroom which then requires a whole adjustment once inside just to shut the door since the door opens into the bathroom versus out of the bathroom. I don’t know why it makes me laugh so hard every time but it’s just hilarious. Due to the amount of fluids he receives in addition to the chemo fluids it’s no exaggeration that he is back and forth to the bathroom at least once an hour. During the nighttime when he gets up to use the bathroom I typically wake up and help him get his IV machine unplugged from the wall and get him back into bed (they take fall prevention seriously – “Call – Don’t Fall!”), it drives Tom crazy that he repeatedly wakes me up since he wants me to sleep – I don’t care one bit – so he always tries to sneak by without me waking up which he has done successfully only once in the past two months. With our new bathroom arrangement there is ZERO chance of him sneaking to the bathroom when he’s pounding the IV pole into the door frame and swearing. Hilarious. 

Tom took chemo like a champ today and is continuing to feel worn down, but I’m in complete awe. He has been trying so hard to not “be sick” when people are around and sometimes even when he is just with me. There have been points where I’ve looked at him and said “It’s okay to be sick!”. He wants to be the cheery, happy-go-lucky guy that he is, but I know he doesn’t always feel great, yet he worries about everyone around him and not wanting them to worry. I’m in complete amazement that on many days he makes this chemo treatment look “easy” and continues to crack jokes, thank every nurse, doctor, or employee that walks in the room and be so positive. It’s truly an amazing gift to those around him and it is helping everyone cope through this fight. I knew he was a strong guy – but he has shown me strength at a whole other level these past two months. I'm so incredibly proud of him. More to come tomorrow…

We’ve hit single digits for our remaining chemo treatments! Only 9 more to go! Woo hoo! Today was an interesting day, but a good day. Tom woke up feeling a little blah (I can’t blame him at all), and overwhelmed by the thought of starting another round of treatment. He basically woke up at 4am and never fell back asleep because he couldn’t turn off his mind. Anyway, we got up, and got checked in here at the hospital to get things moving.

It’s like a mini-reunion when we come in for treatment, we truly have gotten close with many of our nurses and they all get excited, say hi, fill us in on the past few weeks of their lives, and of course see how Tom is doing. As we were doing all the catching up, we got escorted to our room and our nurses reserved us the BIG room! I know, I know. Small thrills, but it’s the closest thing to a hotel upgrade here and quite exciting. Our room is a corner suite so it just has a little more room to breathe between all the furniture/computer/IV/medical equipment, etc. It probably seems trivial, but it makes a difference, especially for me since I’m working all day out of the hospital. It helps to have a little more room and a cart for my office setup. Plus, he got a bed for tall people which they publicize to the world outside of our room as “Hercules”.  So basically, Tom is Hercules. Which presents a problem for me since Hercules' love interest in the Disney movie always had questionable eye shadow choices. Anyway, back to my point, the location of this room has less traffic so it’s much quieter too. And, for some reason, it’s the proud home of 8 ladybugs. (I’ll figure that out before we leave)

Treatment went well today and our doctor came in with great news about Tom’s blood work. He is definitely killing this cancer and making incredible progress in doing so. The levels show that his body is rapidly attacking the bad cancer cells and those reports came before we even started treatment today, so we are hopeful this round can have a great impact too. With that said, treatments are getting tougher and tougher for Tom as his body has gotten weaker and having a harder time fighting back. For example, in previous cycles, the first day of treatment hasn’t hit him too hard. Certainly he feels nausea, etc., but for the most part he doesn’t feel miserable. However, tonight at around 9PM he really hit a wall and said that he was feeling closer to how he feels on Day 3 than on Night 1. I’m hopeful that is partly because he was up so early and is just tired – but we may have a long week ahead. Either way, we will power through and knock out this treatment so we are one step closer to our last round of chemo.

Since we always take post-chemo shots, we decided to take a pre-chemo photo this time. All the love, prayers and good thoughts you can send our way would be appreciated – more to come tomorrow…

It’s Chemo Eve! So this is really our first Chemo Eve. Our first round, we were coming out of the surgery and focused on his quick recovery. The second one never really happened because we got checked in for blood clots before chemo and were dealing with all of that. This round is really the first time we’ve had a calm night before chemo where we were able to prepare/process everything that is happening. So this evening as we were discussing Chemo Eve and laughing at ways that Chemo Eve is different from Christmas Eve….

1. Tom isn’t excited to wake up since he knows his only gift is the gift of nausea and chemo side effects.
2. We don’t leave cookies out – we eat them so they don’t go bad while we are away. (Seriously, one of the MVP of Tom’s treatment is the button on the top of my pants – it’s hanging on for dear life)
3. Instead of a Christmas tree, we wake up and go to the IV tree/pole.
4. There are no last minute sales for medical bills.
5. There isn’t a constant loop of Christmas songs/carols (but there is a constant holler of me singing songs I’ve made up about Cancer)

We pick Christmas Eve over Chemo Eve! Tomorrow we continue our quest to kick cancer’s butt and head to the hospital bright and early. We are hoping for a calm week, with no major issues so we can knock out these 6 days and be one step closer to our last round of chemo. 27 days until chemo is done… Thanks for all the prayers, positive vibes, and energy as we head into this round. We truly feel all the love! More to come this week…

I’m quite glad that I haven’t had many updates lately! We are doing well and trucking along as we get prepared for chemo this week. We start session three and then we will only have ONE LEFT! This time last treatment we were already in the hospital with blood clots, so the fact that we are home is a victory in and of itself.

Tom has continued to feel better, still not his normal healthy self, but feeling stronger. It’s a bit of a trick on the psyche to know that starting Tuesday we get snapped back to square one and start the climb to feeling better again, but I do think going knowing this third round and knowing it is so close to the last one will help make this next three week chemo cycle seem manageable. We will also start to work out the details of surgery which will help us feel more in control as we get answers and get a plan together.
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This past week has been a bit of a roller coaster, but we continue to try to be positive and keep ourselves in the best frame of mind possible, it really does make a difference. We appreciate all the cards and messages – it really keeps us going! Lots more updates to come this week! 

I don’t like cancer. I don’t like it one bit. Admittedly we had a sort of downer day with cancer. We certainly are continuing to be positive, and won’t let one bad day dictate the rest, but we have our moments of frustration. We are wearing down a bit, and the constant appointments, appointment confirmations, insurance calls, blood draws, and wondering what’s next can get exhausting. I remember the day of Tom’s diagnosis, our nurse (who is now one of our favorites!) said to us both, “right now you are at the bottom of Mount Everest”. She was so right, and once treatment started we sort of started to feel like we knew how to tackle this and make progress. We are approaching the mid-point of chemo and I think we are at this point where the beginning now seems like it was a long time ago and the ambiguity of the end seems unrealistic so we feel sort of lost in the middle. But…the middle is better than back at the beginning so we are grateful…

We went to the doctors this afternoon and had a great talk with our doctor and got Tom’s blood work done. His blood levels were great which means he doesn’t need a blood transfusion – which is good news! We had a discussion with our doctor about the upcoming surgery and we will get lots more information about that next week while we are in the hospital. As anticipated, it will likely be either the last week of December or the first week of January. Tom is eager for his last few “good” days of the chemo cycle and ready to knock out week three. I must say this second cycle has been significantly better than the first and really helping us get through tough days like today.

In my attempt to remain positive I’ll finish tonight’s update with a funny story. I’ve been having a hard time sleeping. In addition to that, when I’m stressed it usually takes a toll on my body, and often times my back/shoulders. So this morning, I woke up and my neck/shoulders were totally locked up and painful. Now, I think it was a mix of stress/sleeping but nonetheless not very pleasant. I had been trying to rub my own shoulders all morning (that’s a beautiful mental picture for you) and stretch my neck/shoulders with no success. This afternoon we were waiting in one of the chemo chairs/stations for Tom’s blood work and results. The chemo chairs are all lined up out in the open so there are lots of people/and friends family around. Tom saw me wince in a bit of pain when I turned my head and offered to rub my shoulders for a second. Since we had nothing else to do while we waited and I was sitting right next to him I said alright….it took me all of 5 seconds to burst out laughing and tell him never mind as I realized that to all of these people it looked like this poor cancer patient was giving a shoulder massage to the healthy one! It gave us a good chuckle and the folks around us got a kick out of it too once we explained ourselves :) Shame on Tom for being such a nice guy! More to come…

I am thrilled to say that Tom is feeling great, and getting stronger each day as we get closer to our next round of chemo. Yes, a bit of a buzz kill knowing we’ve only got a week until the next round, but he is enjoying these “good” days as much as he can. As I was looking at the blog today, I saw that on the archives section we now have three months listed. WHAT?! I will say this, for some reason November was a breath of fresh air. There is something about knowing that we are in November that means major milestone #1 - finishing chemo - is near, since that should be the first week of December. (33 days!) It also helps that we’ve got the holidays coming up to give us other dates to anchor to and get excited about, but regardless, I can’t believe this madness started 8+ weeks ago.
 
Now, we begin the rather daunting task of starting to get all of our ducks in a row for the surgery that he will need (major milestone #2). We were told that we would start this process after his second round of chemo, because there isn’t a whole lot they can do until they start to see the numbers drop and can anticipate what will need to be done via surgery. There was a 1% chance that he wouldn’t need surgery, but that has already been ruled out. Never mind that he dominated the odds of getting this cancer but can't catch a break on that 1%. ;-) So now we just hope that it gets small enough that it doesn’t have to be a major procedure and instead can be done in a less intrusive way with a short recovery time. We do know that surgery won’t be until late December or early January because they won’t do surgery until his body has had time to bounce back from his last round of chemo. Realistically, since that will be his fourth round it will take little time for all his levels to get up to an acceptable range that deems him safe for surgery. But for now, we start meeting with the doctors and get ourselves educated on this last little adventure of getting rid of cancer. We meet with his doctors on Thursday and will get blood work done again – hopefully no transfusion needed, and hopefully good news from his doctors on progress.
 
For the record… the remaining major milestones after #1 and #2 are:
#3 CANCER FREE
#4 a YouTube worthy happy dance
...and last but not least...
#5 a strong drink. 

​More updates to come on Thursday when we know more :)

Tom & I love music. He’s an awesome guitar player, and I’ve played the violin/fiddle since I was four years old. We often play together, sometimes I hold a tune and sing but we are always jamming out to something. Maybe if hell freezes over I’ll post a video of one of our jam sessions. I assume this is normal, but if he or I start a sentence and it happens to be part of some lyric, 98% of the time a lyric battle breaks out. For example, Tom feels bad asking for help, so I said to him today “I need you to tell me what you want”. Tom’s reply? “I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna to really really really want to ziggazig ha.” Old school 90’s Spice Girls. Music to my ears, and of course a terrifying flashback to a poor Talent Show performance in the 4th grade.

In addition, I tend to make up lyrics that apply to what’s happening around us when I’ve got the radio on in the car. Lately, lyrics have changed to me hating cancer, singing about his bald head or whatever else works with the lyrics. Anyway, my tendency to be a closet song writer inspired our cancer themed playlist below. Anything in parenthesis is a slight addition to the current song title to make it relevant…

To me physical art decorates space, music decorates time. This certainly isn’t an ideal time in our lives, but one that will of course be full of many memories regardless of the situation. For me, music is a therapy of sorts, both playing it and just listening to it and the same goes for Tom. He is feeling much better and very excited to go into this week feeling good. We are cautiously optimistic that he will continue to feel better each day and get stronger each day before our next round of chemo – it makes such a difference to start chemo strong versus coming off surgery or with blood clots.  So enjoy our goofy list below and let the countdown continue, 36 days until chemo is over…

• Hit Me (With Chemo) Baby One More Time – Britney Spears
• (I’m) Toxic – Britney Spears
• (Chemo is a) Wrecking Ball – Miley Cyrus
• I Say A Little Prayer – Aretha Franklin
• (Cancer) I (Don’t) Want You Back – The Jackson 5
• With a Little Help From My Friends – The Beatles
• (Hey Chemo) We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together – Taylor Swift
• Stayin’ Alive – The Bee Gees
• Pour Some (Antibactieral Hand Soap) on Me – Def Leppard
• Stand By Me – The Temptations
• Do You Think (My Bald Head) Is Sexy – Rod Stewart